Be aware of some of the effects of gifting- some can be rather unexpected!
A while back, I worked for a man who was a very bad boss/supervisor. He was not a horrible individual, but very difficult to work for. He knew all aspects of the job(s) very well, and was meticulous and detail oriented to the extreme, and nothing anyone did was ever good enough, and he did not hesitate to let everyone know it, using sarcasm and ridicule to get points across. I came close to backhanding him a couple of times! I left that job after 2 weeks and let everyone know exactly why. This man had had 26 employees in and out the door in two years!
I decided to really put things to the test. I was hesitant at first to gift him, not sure what sort of response would result. I was still angry with his nastiness, and irritated with myself for having put up with it for as long as I did, and irritated with his boss for allowing it all to continue. Finally I decided to just go gift him and I gave him an HHG, handing it to him saying, “I thought you might find this will look good on your desk.” He was ecstatic! “I love it! This is so great! Thank you!”, he exclaimed, holding it tenderly as one would a baby bird. I left him in his office there, and he was happier than I had ever seen him!
A week later I heard he had come down with a respiritory situation which had left him voiceless. A few days after that I asked about him, and found he had gone back to work and that he had changed! He was not so sarcastic anymore, and much more willing to listen to suggestions employees had, and was not so nasty to everyone!
I then visited him there, and he was really quite pleasant! His edgy sense of humor had softened considerably, and he seemed more at peace than I had ever known him to be.
It was great, and I get happy whenever I think about the change in him!
Another experience has proven a very sobering one, indeed. A woman whom I had considered a friend had an occassion coming up- she was getting ready to finish a course of study in healing arts and I was very proud of her- it would be the first thing she had ever completed. She had a few college courses, and had signed up for numerous courses of study, only to flake out and never complete them.
I asked her what she might like for graduation, and she said she didn’t know, but that anything I got for her she would like. I presented her with an HHG a few days later, and was not prepared for the response.
We were outside on her porch when I took it out of my bag and gave it to her and she almost dropped it! She hurriedly set it on the ground and stepped back, staring in horror at it!
Have you seen those shows or cartoons where the woman is standing on a chair, screaming in terror, while a tiny mouse, also in terror, is scampering about the floor desperately seeking escape? That is what came to mind as I watched this woman’s reactions!
I had never seen the expression on her face before, and it scared me.
What exactly, was it, you might ask, that had me scared there?
In just a very few seconds, seeing her reaction, I realized I had NOT known this woman at all, not in her entirety.
Oh, I knew the nice side, alright. Very nice, indeed, say just the right things, do the right things for you- to a point, I realized.
The creature I saw her transform into was her real, and not so nice, side.
No, her coloring did not change, she did not grow scales before my eyes, or anything like that- no, no movie special effects.
What I saw come forth was her true nature- angry, frustrated, bitter, cruel, and additional frustrations at having to keep all those under really nice wraps.
So, of course, as soon as I saw her reaction, a number of things went through my mind at once- the top one being a resolution to stay away from her and have nothing further to do with her, and interestingly enough, she appears to have had the same reaction regarding me.
Other things that went through my mind was how to gracefully resolve this obviously uncomfortable situation for both of us- a different gift would have to be given, and I also found I did not want her to ever show up at my house or place of work again. I decided to give her some soap as a gift, wondering if she would ever understand the implication of such a gift. (She never did.)
So, while she was frozen in angry terror standing there staring at the HHG sitting quietly to itself on the ground, I carefully picked it up and gently put it back in my bag, and said, “Well, perhaps it does not go with the color scheme in your house- would you like some hand-made soaps?” She shook herself slightly, as if coming out of some sort of a trance, and looked at me and beamed, “Oh, that would be great!” I said, “OK, I’ll get some for you this week!”, and without waiting for any sort of response I turned and left.
I sent the soap to her a few days later. I have taken care to be especially vigilant whenever I hear she is in the vicinity, because I realized the sheer nastiness of her character. She is what we call a “caballo loco”- a crazy horse- here in the Southwest. These people- and often the horses they are named after- actually know they are whacked, but take great pains to hide it, so that they may be accepted into the herd. Ostracism is a hell for them, for then they would be alone with themselves, and would probably self destruct. On some level they know this, and so do their best to blend into a crowd or group.
So please be prepared- gifting oftenly shows the absolutely true nature of an individual, and it is not always what we think it is!